Take a leap

I have to be brave. This is my life. Being selfish is no longer matters. He has no job... that was his decision. I stayed long enough and he never had any consensus to find a job and lead our marriage. He just stayed home feeling comfortable and happy.

Ya Allah, i am doing this for myself and him. I want him to realize that family is equally important.

I hope he will be strong.

Please forgive me ya Allah. I would never dreamT to end my own marriage. I wanted to be a good wife. But we won't always get what we wanted. I believe that everthing happens for a reason.

By being single, i can pay all my debts. I can take good care of my mom. I pray that these reasons are more than enough to make me forget him. Aminnn

Hidup dan konflik

Indeed life is never easy. Kita dh dijanjikan qada' & qadar yang perlu ditempuhi. Setiap penat lelah, pedih jerih...tak semua org akan faham. Hanya yang biasa lalui je yang akan memahami. Yang lain hanya memerhati, bersimpati ataupun terus buat x peduli.

Sejak aku hidup bermasalah ni, aku perasan, kawan2 aku betul2 membantu. Dari segi kewangan, nasihat & motivasi.

Family tak sangat. Cuma mak aku lah yang paling banyak menolong.

Aku agak terkilan dengan abang & akak ipar aku. Mungkin diorng xnak campur urusan aku. jadi sepanjang ni diorang cuma diam. Yang diorang tau..marah bila aku x balik kampung. Marah bila mak aku ajak datang jenguk aku kat sini.

Ntahla...kekadang kawan2 lebih baik dari keluarga sendiri. Aku rasa x diendahkan sebab sekarang aku x boleh tolong macam dulu. Kalau dulu telefon je anytime aku akan sampai. Duit ringgit pun aku x pernah pinjam. Malah selalu bawa anak2 buah jalan2.

Sekarang ni marahkan aku..dah xendahkan aku sebab aku selalu pinjam duit sebulan dua ni. Kalau diorng tak tolong siapa lagi yg akan tolong. Aku dh takde sesapa. Aku bukan nak susahkan diorang. Aku x nk terus hidup berhutang. Ntahlah...takdela marah kat diorang..cuma terasa.

As always...

Congratulations

If you intend to make my life more miserable, than...congratulations. i am reaching the lowest level of my life. Hope you are happy. Thanks.

Getting worse...

Now everyone wanting their money back. Its been quite some time now. Aku xberdaya dah. Aku selalu imagine one day aku bangun...ada org tsfer sejuta dalam akaun bank aku. Then aku bole bayar hutang2 aku. Aku bole tido lena. Xperlu pikir nk ending my life mcm orang xdak iman. Aku kena kerja kuat. Kena be strong for my mom. Tapi aku masih mengharapkan sedikit miracle.

Ada harapankah...

Sedih tengok orang keliling aku. Gaji 3000 4000 melancong sana  sini. Beli apa yang diorang nak. Bila pinjamkan duit seratus dua kepada org yg terdesak ni...diorang rasa x senang duduk. Dah minta balik duit. Padahal aku struggle to live. Nak makan pun x cukup. Minyak kereta tak mampu nak isi.

Tapi yang aku nak heran kenapa. Tu duit orang. Dh diorang pinjamkan pun dah bagus sangat. Sedar diri waktu minta tolong dulu.

Takpe..harini aku susah. Allah uji aku. Alhamdullillah...

Ya Allah..tunjukkanlah padaku ya Allah. Aku dh x mampu tanggung semua ni.

Betrayed

I am struggling with financial burden. Tunggu masa bil elektrik nak kena potong. I have debts. I have issues with my spouse. I dont need another crap from you.

I think you are being insensitive. A true friend will ask not judge!

I know i had troubled you a lot. But i did my parts too. Its okay if you like behaving like this. I'm sorry but i have a very difficult life. If you are adding it, i'm letting our friendship go.

Do you know how lucky you are? Living a wonderful life... Be thankful..rather than messing with me.

Ya Wahhab...

What to do...This is all i have left. Allahuakhbar. Please make things easier for me.Please lead me a path to Jannah. Amin...