Cerai Part 2...

Farouk x jahat. Dia ringan tulang kat rumah. Romantik. Dia akan masak untuk aku. Kalau time dia ade duit dulu, dia akan bagi hadiah time birthday or anniversary kitaorg. Tp of course dia nak aku buat benda yang sama.

Life dgn dia akan okay kalau aku ni memang anak yatim piatu. Yep...bila kawen, dia buat aku terpisah terus dari family. Dengan mak aku dia jadikan musuh. Dah xboleh balik jenguk mak aku. Dalam islam...isteri wajib ikut cakap suami. Tapi this is too much. Sepanjang kami berkahwin, kami tak pernah attend kenduri belah famili aku. Rumah abang aku pun pegi sekejap2. Baru 2 kali sepanjang 3 tahun perkahwinan.

Aku rindu keluarga aku terutamanya mak aku.

Sekarang ni, biz memang teruk. Dan sebagai suami dia patutnya cari kerja untuk back up. Gaji aku dah tinggal 400. Nak bayar duit kereta, duit sewa, makan, minyak, bil2. Mana mampu nak sara life kami.

I miss u dad

Rindu....al fatihah

Alone

Rasa sangat2 keseorangan. Down. Semua cuba elakkan diri dari aku

My new year resolution

These are the things i want to do next year. Moga Allah permudahkan. Amin.

1. Nak bayar hutang
2. Nak pegi umrah
3. Nak kuruskan badan. Nak pegi gym
4. Nak bawa mak pegi KL jalan2.
5. Nak bawak anak2 buah pegi main bowling.
6. Nak tukar pakai honda city warna putih.
7. Nak beli handbag baru.
8. Nak pegi spa
9. Nak naik pangkat
10. Nak sambung belajar

Aku nak life aku yang dulu.

Take a leap

I have to be brave. This is my life. Being selfish is no longer matters. He has no job... that was his decision. I stayed long enough and he never had any consensus to find a job and lead our marriage. He just stayed home feeling comfortable and happy.

Ya Allah, i am doing this for myself and him. I want him to realize that family is equally important.

I hope he will be strong.

Please forgive me ya Allah. I would never dreamT to end my own marriage. I wanted to be a good wife. But we won't always get what we wanted. I believe that everthing happens for a reason.

By being single, i can pay all my debts. I can take good care of my mom. I pray that these reasons are more than enough to make me forget him. Aminnn

Hidup dan konflik

Indeed life is never easy. Kita dh dijanjikan qada' & qadar yang perlu ditempuhi. Setiap penat lelah, pedih jerih...tak semua org akan faham. Hanya yang biasa lalui je yang akan memahami. Yang lain hanya memerhati, bersimpati ataupun terus buat x peduli.

Sejak aku hidup bermasalah ni, aku perasan, kawan2 aku betul2 membantu. Dari segi kewangan, nasihat & motivasi.

Family tak sangat. Cuma mak aku lah yang paling banyak menolong.

Aku agak terkilan dengan abang & akak ipar aku. Mungkin diorng xnak campur urusan aku. jadi sepanjang ni diorang cuma diam. Yang diorang tau..marah bila aku x balik kampung. Marah bila mak aku ajak datang jenguk aku kat sini.

Ntahla...kekadang kawan2 lebih baik dari keluarga sendiri. Aku rasa x diendahkan sebab sekarang aku x boleh tolong macam dulu. Kalau dulu telefon je anytime aku akan sampai. Duit ringgit pun aku x pernah pinjam. Malah selalu bawa anak2 buah jalan2.

Sekarang ni marahkan aku..dah xendahkan aku sebab aku selalu pinjam duit sebulan dua ni. Kalau diorng tak tolong siapa lagi yg akan tolong. Aku dh takde sesapa. Aku bukan nak susahkan diorang. Aku x nk terus hidup berhutang. Ntahlah...takdela marah kat diorang..cuma terasa.

As always...

Congratulations

If you intend to make my life more miserable, than...congratulations. i am reaching the lowest level of my life. Hope you are happy. Thanks.

Getting worse...

Now everyone wanting their money back. Its been quite some time now. Aku xberdaya dah. Aku selalu imagine one day aku bangun...ada org tsfer sejuta dalam akaun bank aku. Then aku bole bayar hutang2 aku. Aku bole tido lena. Xperlu pikir nk ending my life mcm orang xdak iman. Aku kena kerja kuat. Kena be strong for my mom. Tapi aku masih mengharapkan sedikit miracle.

Ada harapankah...

Sedih tengok orang keliling aku. Gaji 3000 4000 melancong sana  sini. Beli apa yang diorang nak. Bila pinjamkan duit seratus dua kepada org yg terdesak ni...diorang rasa x senang duduk. Dah minta balik duit. Padahal aku struggle to live. Nak makan pun x cukup. Minyak kereta tak mampu nak isi.

Tapi yang aku nak heran kenapa. Tu duit orang. Dh diorang pinjamkan pun dah bagus sangat. Sedar diri waktu minta tolong dulu.

Takpe..harini aku susah. Allah uji aku. Alhamdullillah...

Ya Allah..tunjukkanlah padaku ya Allah. Aku dh x mampu tanggung semua ni.

Betrayed

I am struggling with financial burden. Tunggu masa bil elektrik nak kena potong. I have debts. I have issues with my spouse. I dont need another crap from you.

I think you are being insensitive. A true friend will ask not judge!

I know i had troubled you a lot. But i did my parts too. Its okay if you like behaving like this. I'm sorry but i have a very difficult life. If you are adding it, i'm letting our friendship go.

Do you know how lucky you are? Living a wonderful life... Be thankful..rather than messing with me.

Ya Wahhab...

What to do...This is all i have left. Allahuakhbar. Please make things easier for me.Please lead me a path to Jannah. Amin...

Goodbye

I failed. Have no more guts to go on...goodbye

RM5

What can we do with RM5? How can one even survive with that amount?

But thats the truth. I have only RM5 to live for this entire month. ��

I should consider myself lucky.

I'm sorry mom

She sacrificed everything to me,
Sheltered with her warm words and kindness.

Her hugs bring comfort..
She would never let me down

I love you mom. You are everything to me.
I'm sorry i hurt you.
Sorry for making you cry.

I would do anything to see you smile again.

And thats a promise!

How i wish...

What would I do without your smart mouth

Drawing me in, and you kicking me out

You got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down

What's going on in that beautiful mind

I'm on your magical mystery ride

And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

My head's underwater

But I'm breathing fine

You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I'm winning

Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you, oh

How many times do I have to tell you

Even when you're crying you're beautiful too

The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood

You're my downfall, you're my muse

My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues

I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you

My head's underwater

But I'm breathing fine

You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I'm winning

Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you, oh

Give me all of you, oh oh

Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts

Risking it all though it's hard

Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I'm winning

Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you

I give you all of me

And you give me all, of you...

Credit: Metrolyrics

A promising future lies ahead...

The moment when everything has turned against you,
When you have left with nothing but yourself,
ALLAH is around. He listens.

Trust. Obey. Ask for forgiveness.
We are always a sinner.

Dear Allah. I have no regrets. I had a wonderful life.
I have accepted these as my fate.

Please ease up my journey to meet You. Please allow me to serve my mom, the person I loved the most.

I love you.

Mati itu pasti...

Tapi...skrang aku rasa mcm nak mati...bunuh diri.... Aku sangat rindukan mak aku kat kampung. Aku nak balik xda duit. Worse, aku dh guna duit mak aku. Utk bayaq utang. X guna btol aku ni.

Nobody cares

Yup. Bila ditimpa masalah, the only person yg akan terima baik buruk ko adalah mak ko. Xde org lain. Biar baik cemana pun, sampai satu tahap dia akan meluat.

Tapi yelah..kawan aku tu dah byk sgt menolong. Angka ribu.

Mudah2an aku dpt bayar secepat mungkin. Aminnn

Something to ponder

I

Dalam hal ni ...bukan x pernah communicate. Aku dh luahkan kenapa aku stress dgn dia. Aku dh pnah tanya kenapa dia xsuka famili aku. Dia dh janji nak cuba. But he never tries!

Aku dh pegi pejabat agama. Tp dia x dtg. Niat aku bukan nak bercerai pada asalnya. Cuma harap sgt dia boleh ambil tanggungjawab.

Bole jadi seorang suami. Bukan lelaki simpanan.

Cerai

kisah dalam ni berkisarkan aku nia (bukan nama betol) n husben aku farok ( watak jahat so nama kena ala2 abang sado).

Frankly speaking...aku guna blog utk buat luahan. Cerita ni mmg sedang terjadi kat aku. Nama je aku pelsukan. Mana tau korang ni jiran aku or tuan rumah aku ke.

A bit about myself. Aku 30 an. X cantik tapi gebu (perluke), kerja gomen. Aku ada ibu. Ayah dah meninggal. ( i miss u dad).
Aku ada 3 org adik beradik.

Husben aku pun 30 an. Lelaki. Dia buat biz. Mak ayah dia ade lagi. 3 org adik bradik gk.

Tahun 2014 ni memang betul2 menguji kesabaran. Aku terjebak dgn masalah kewangan & rumahtangga yg serius.

Asalnya aku ada masalah rumahtangga. Farok benci kat famili aku. Jadi memang xnak jejak kaki kat kampung aku di Gerik. (Krikkk krikkk). Start dari tahun pertama lagi dia dh tunjuk perangai. Bila aku tanya, dia kata x selesa. Watefakk.

Aku byk sabar. Korang jgn ingat aku ni kuat mencarut. Dalam ni je bahasa aku sastera tahap tinggi. Kat luar aku ayu. Tahun 1-2 aku masih cover cerita konon dia bz bagai...tapi tahun ni mmg famili aku dh dpt hidu something fishy.

Aku dh x dapat balik selalu. Kalau aku balik kampung, dia akan letakkan masa. Siap ada timeframe. Waktu aku bertolak, and kena stay dlm 2 jam pastu dh kena balik rumah. X dibenarkan tidur sana.

Korang...yg aku balik tu rumah mak ayah aku. Bukan aku pegi rumah org. Bukan cari jantan ke hapa. Aku hidup camtu smpai skrg. Kekadang aku tipu. Aku cakap aku kena outstation. Tapi aku balik spend masa dgn famili. Tolong beli brg2 keperluan. bawa g klinik and so on.

aku sgt2 x hepi dgn life aku yang terkongkong. Dia buat aku hilang sabar.

Aku buat loan utk tlg biz dia. Tp aku yg handle semua. Dia lagak boss yg hanya berfungsi bila time nk kira duit. Bab promosi or masalah staf/customer aku yg kena handle.

Aku tak faham dgn farok. Aku rasa aku plak yg jadi suami. Segala2 aku kena tanggung.... Sampaikan...

To be continued...

Sesal

Itu yg aku rasa sekarang. Kalaulah aku x kawen...kalaula aku boleh ubah masa, mesti aku x perlu lalui semua ni.

Aku benci kau. Ego. Dayus.

Ntahlah...aku masih belum jumpa jalan keluar dari masalah ni. Aku tak tau nak buat apa lagi.

I hope this marriage  will be over soon.

Period.

1st

First and foremost, blog ni adalah catatan peribadi aku. Don't judge me if you don't know what i've been through.